The first type is obvious,the ones who do it in order to feed their habits. Make enough to keep them-self or themselves (if in a co-habiting relationship) a little bit of 'personal' (personal use) a day to stop them looking elsewhere for money, and then sell enough to repeat the process the next day. This is common sense and something any addict has thought about or even dabbled in on a very small basis. It is also more difficult than it seems however, as the temptation is always there to get 'high on the supply', leaving them back at square one in a vicious circle of temptation. This is often the most likely outcome. But for those with an element of self control and purpose this can be an effective way to keep themselves functioning, going to work, bringing up kids, without the need to scrap around for money or meeting dodgy people at unsociable hours, or spending money that should be used on necessities. This then produces an element of routine and normality, 'keeping up appearances' as it were, while ticking things over at a manageable pace. Almost like a small, local, home based business. A farm that sells tomatoes on the side of the road, to use a very loose metaphor. However this type of dealer is unreliable, and usually doesn't last long, but may reappear on the circuit at random intervals. They will more than likely keep going for quite a while, and are at high risk of getting 'busted', even ending up in prison, due to the recklessness and chaotic nature of their business.
Another type is the profiteer, someone who wants to make there money and get out quick, or just make a lot of money full stop. This will either be an addict with enormous self control (see above paragraph), or an ex addict, or even a regular person who gets a kick from the danger and illegality of it. They buy in bulk to hammer down the price and ship it out at a fast rate in much smaller quantities in order to gain maximum profitability. Common business sense really. They then repeat the process on a very regular basis to build a tidy profit, perhaps even increasing investment and turnover. They'll do this for five-six months, long enough to make a worthwhile amount of money, but not long enough to get noticed or yield unwarranted attention from the authorities. If they are smart. If not they will soldier on until the bitter end, where they will usually end up in prison, and lose all their assets. This is big risk with big profit as the reward. The more money they have as an incentive, the more worthwhile the risk. However the greater too the greed. As I said common sense really.
The third type is the control freak. This will usually be an ex addict or a complete neutral entity. They have usually come from a middle/upper class background, privately educated perhaps. They may suffer from low self esteem, confidence issues, or they will lack excitement back at home. Have a boring family routine perhaps. Almost like the 'Kevin Spacey' character in 'American Beauty'.
They will get a kick from the illegality, excitement, danger and risk involved. Money is not the attraction here. Attention, admiration and control is.
They will usually be a person who's whole life is shrouded in mediocrity, and suddenly they have stumbled upon something that is not only dangerous and risky, but also fascinates them. This brown/white powder offers them power, and control. They suddenly pull the strings. People need them, depend on them, want them.
They are fixated with this, and often will exercise there power and control in various ways. Lending out quantities and being the clients best friend, before pulling the rug out from under their feet, calling in all the money and leaving the client in a state of desperation. Then stepping in at the last minute to supply them and let them know they are in charge. This you could say is a stereotype of course, but talking from experience, a fairly accurate one I'd wage.
It is this last type that fascinates me. For although they obviously profit more than number one, but less than number two in my list of descriptions, the money here is not the obvious hook. It can't be, else they are going about things the wrong way. Also the first two have obvious, realistic motivations, and incentives for doing what they do, gambling the way they do. Number three doesn't. Not only that, but number three has the most to lose, and in a way, the least to gain. The likelihood being with this type of person, that they hold down a regular respectable job, are married, have kids. That's a lot of risk, for minimum, superficial reward.
This is why it fascinates me. It's almost narcissistic. Self indulgent. Like having an affair with a very illicit partner. The danger of having the knock on the door, the dawn raid by the police, must haunt them every night. They would stand to lose everything. As an actor that really interests me. It's also interesting I think that we all have a side of us that needs that excitement, that edge to our lives, it's just few follow it through or ever find it, or find safer more acceptable outlets in order for our edgier sides to be set free. Most of my friends have nothing to do with heroin, drug addiction or even illegal narcotics in general, and although I have my own motivations for starting my habit (See post 'In the beginning...'), when I explain to them about some of the things I've encountered, injecting, scoring etc, most seem interested, and intrigued, not repelled or shocked. This makes me think this kind of person is alive in all of us, its just we excerpt this need for control and excitement in very different ways. If any of the kind people I have described used the natural flair and acumen they have to positive, legal effect, they would be very successful people with worthwhile usable skills. It's this need to self destruct that sets them apart, and holds them back.
You see I know these kind of people exist because I know of one personally. When he meets a supplier of mine, he insists on taking them for a meal. Making them indulge him for over two hours or more, before handing over the gear, keeping them hanging on for as long as possible, lingering on his every word until releasing what he's got them there for, the brown/white powder that acts as the strings on a puppet. Sometimes he won't give them the full amount but considerably less than promised. Like I said its not about the money or profit. Promising to bring more next time, always keeping the dependence on him to a maximum, like giving and taking candy off a child. He is married, has kids, works as an accountant, yet in secret carries out this ritual of self importance and indulgence, risking everything for minimum material profit, and maximum personal gain.
Like dealers, addicts come in all shapes and sizes, and from all professions too. You only have to walk into my treatment centre and you will see lawyers, accountants, teachers and the like, all fighting addiction to alcohol, cocaine, or opium. It's not just tramps and career criminals, that's just what the media want us to see. The desperation, the destruction. That's what creates a story. Characters from difficult backgrounds, with difficult, complicated lives and stories to tell. Not successful career people who had a bit of a slip up, made a mistake while studying at college. Where is the drama in that? The unknown, untouchable world? The intrigue?
There is none.
In truth, its boring.
As an actor I love watching people, analysing them. What makes people tick? Amateur psychology. It's fascinating. I have got to admit, I too love the drama, the excitement, but I have my own personal priorities now. To maintain my habit, get stabilised on my methadone, and start to regain some normality and focus before my treatment begins. To move on with my life. I'm 28 and a bit now, I need to close this chapter and move on to the next. I would like a girlfriend, companion, kids (in the future). That won't happen while I abuse myself like this. After all, as the cliché goes, no one will love you if you don't love yourself.
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