Paul was only 32 years old, but died last Thursday, the 14th October 2010, of a Heroin overdose. It was his funeral today.
I decided not to go.
Not because of the connection we had 'through drugs and addiction' as I truly believe that on the day of a funeral whether you are good,evil,thief, or Samaritan the day is about the deceased and no one else. We are all human beings in our humblest forms what ever our wrongs on a day like this. However I didn't feel I knew him well enough outside of our illicit vocation to warrant me going. Instead my tribute will be here.
Times like this remind us of our fragile mortality. It makes me shudder to think of the way he died. It's not so much the 'way' he died as I should imagine dying from a strong pain killer would be painless and peaceful. Like falling into a deep sleep. It's the way your last act on this earth will always be remembered that bothers me. The lad who was a junkie, the lad who's promiscuity caught up with him. No matter what other good things he did in his short life, there will always be the moral astronauts high up on their pedestals wagging the 'I told you so' finger.
I'm sure there will be people thinking people like Paul deserve their death, you live by the sword you die by the sword. He was, after all, an adult and you make decisions perfectly concious of the possible outcomes. No one forces you. No one ever forced me.
The image of 'dealers' peddling to school kids is an urban myth, this would never happen. The myth of drugs being cut with glass or arsenic is also an urban myth fabricated by the tabloids to add dramatic effect. Most dealers deal to fund their habits, they wouldn't last long in business if this was the case. 90% of their clientèle are known to them personally, this wouldn't bode well for repeat custom.
Paul's mum found him. I feel for her. She's not to blame. He wasn't a bad person. Drug taking isn't always a terrible thing. It's dangerous and can make people do reckless things but like most things that are 'bad' for us, is harmless in moderation. Moderation is the key. Rest in peace Paul. God Bless.
Spoken as an habitual drug user. 70% of my buddies from high school were users of many drugs, and now two of them are dead. My heart is broken, and I know that moderation led and lazy days led to over use and now his death. Tomorrow is his "viewing" and cremation.
ReplyDeleteSay what you will, but get better I beg you.