I roused myself into action. Rather than wallowing in self pity, I'm the kind of person who needs to do something to sort the situation, even if this seems unattainable.
I had a shower and brushed my teeth, this always seems to make you feel better when your rattling even if its only temporarily.
I turned on my mobile and saw I had a missed call from one of my suppliers.
'Strange' I thought. There are seven or eight regular dealers where I live, all with varying quality of stuff, its a minefield these days to obtain anything decent. Even so we're not short of choices.
The one who had rang was someone I regularly go to, and due to this has become a friend. Even so they never normally call. Unless they want something of course. If they are trying to get hold of me, at least they will answer their phone and I won''t have to chase them, which is tedious when every one has ran out and your trying to get someone, anyone, to reply to your phone call.
I rang them back. 'Do you want anything?', the voice on the other end replied.
'Yeah, just the one' I said.
'Well, when you come can you get me 10 fags and some bread out of the money?'.
'No problem'.
At least if they need me for something, they are unlikely to keep me waiting, I reasoned, another bug bear of scoring, especially when your ill.
So here began an hour of running round, going to the cash machine, then to the shops, then off to score, then back home. While coming out of the shops my friend Dave rang.
'I feel fucking terrible, not just rattling, think I've got the flu and the shits, can you pick me up and take me to score and then take me to put my Dads horses on'
'Fucks sake, I just want to get home. And you better not pass that shit on to me you twat.'
So off I went to get him, ordered another one. More waiting while this was made up. Up to his Dads to get the betting slip, then down to the bookies. Then back home.
People say we're lazy. It may be mundane but its a hectic life this addiction lark.
It controls you.
If I had work, all this would have to be completed beforehand just to get me to work feeling ok. To allow me to function or work at an acceptable level. Sometimes it can take longer depending who your meeting, whether you have money or not etc. Its a necessity at the moment, and can take hours out of your day, just fucking around, waiting to score.
This is why people can't function, don't get anything done. The events I described are mild by comparison. An hour is nothing. I have a car, if I was on foot this would have involved at least a 4 mile walk. This can happen 2 maybe 3 times a day.
We're not lazy, we just put our energy's into the wrong things. Of course it's our own choice. Or at least it was. If you had the flu you'd go to the pharmacy. This is exactly the same. Although self inflicted, it still causes illness. No one when getting a habit knew it would be this hard, went in with their eyes wide open.
If they did they're mental.
This is just us going to the pharmacy, its just society with its laws and regulations makes it much more difficult.
Was it worth it?
Of course it was, we wouldn't do it otherwise.
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